English Slang For Perplexed Tourists

I watched the British version of 'Big Brother' recently. That's the television show which is a human hamster cage. Viewers go 'ooh' and 'aah' over the one they like or dislike, and vote to decide who leaves the house. In the interim, the contestants do tricks for the amusement of the public. The last man in gets 100,000. The production company makes millions. All contestants lose any shred of dignity and anonymity.

The 2005 version had an Essex boy and Essex girl on it; modern cockneys. Their speech was replete with annoying, redundant phrases; verbal filler, if you like. This 'got on my big tits' (nerves) so much I decided to compile a list of these phrases. Now any visitor to London and surrounding areas can understand the natives.

- Respect: Very much in demand by those least deserving of it; street hoodlums, wide boys, geezers, Z-list celebrities, and rap acts from Chipping Sodbury.

- Aow Roight?: Hello, is all well (between us)?

- Right?: Interrogative used to punctuate sentences. A trick to ensure your audience is listening, to what is probably banal e.g. "I went inna caff on the high road, right? and this geeza looks at me funny, right?, an' I wasn' doin nuffin', right? and so I says to 'im, I says ...

- Cheers: Thank you. Derived from the drinkers' salute.

- At the end of the day: Meaning 'when all is said and done'. A clich. Emphasises what comes after, which is also banal e.g. "At the end of the day, you've got to look after yourself, know woh a mean?"

- Know what I mean?: Emphasises what comes before it, also usually banal. A verbal trick, to get the listener's attention. Used by those who aren't sure they're expressing themselves clearly. Which is most of the time.

- Seriously: Another 'emphasiser'. Means 'I am serious about the following' e.g. "Seriously, I am well pissed of with you, Craig". Or as a question: "My mate (friend) Sandra's had a boob job (breast enhancement)". To which one replies: "Seriously?".

- To be honest with ya: Meaning, I'm not usually. I am, rather, being earnest. An overused phrase. What follows it is not guaranteed to be sincerely meant, or trustworthy.

- Which is good: A hint on one-upmanship, and disingenuous. e.g. "I won a grand on a scratchcard yesterday. Which is good".

- Scary: Might frighten a two year old. Used by women or gays to convey faux distress. A bad hairdo can be 'scary'. A spider making a sudden dash for the plughole is 'scary'.

- As it 'appens: A hint of one-upmanship here, e.g. "I was down the dogs (at the dog track) yest'day, as it 'appens" (happens).

- 'Th' pronounced as 'F': As in 'Wan, Foo, Fwee, Foah' (One, two, three, four). There is a definite sense that this is deliberately done. A reversion to a child-like speech-impediment.

- Oi dan't kna nuffin' abaht it: I don't know anything about it. Said with an air of grievance, as is ...

- Oi dunno, DO I?: You should somehow be aware of my ignorance, possibly by telepathy. This phrase is key. If you can penetrate to its reproachful, whinging core, you will understand the modern Englishman or woman.

- No disrespect to: I am about to criticise the following person, but do not wish take responsibility for so doing i.e. I AM disrespecting so-and-so.

- Sweet, or 'Sweet as' (a nut): Response to a manoeuvre successfully accomplished, or an unexpected bonus. Often said when you've earned something you're not entitled to e.g. you've robbed a warehouse of two hundred cartons of Benson and Hedges cigarettes, and got away with it. 'Sweet!'.

- Sha ap! (Shut up): I disagree with what you are saying, but haven't the wit, patience or vocabulary to repudiate it, so I'll tell you to 'Sha ap' instead. Repeatedly.

- I'm not 'appy (about ...): I am a Lord of Creation, hear my wrath.

- End of (End of story): I have made a final pronouncement, no more need be said on this subject.

T. O' Donnell ( http://www.tigertom.com ) is an ecommerce consultant and curmudgeon living in London, UK. His latest project is an ebook on conservatories, available at http://www.ttconservatories.co.uk T. O' Donnell freeware may be downloaded at http://www.ttfreeware.co.uk

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How To Get Good Post-Bankruptcy Credit

After the bankruptcy, the first thing you would have to do is repair your credit. Without a proper credit record, you could be branded an untouchable to financial institutions and banks.

If and when you get any credit after the bankruptcy, you should be doubly careful that you do not default on any payments or else you will never come out from under the shadow of bad credit.

Keep records of your spending. The positive part of keeping accounts is that it is easy to use them to establish that things are moving on the right path.

A credit card or store card is the easiest way to improve your credit score. Keep a close track on the repayment schedule.

In case you need a loan, ensure that you do not repeat the mistakes you committed in the past that resulted in your bankruptcy.

If and when you get any sort of credit, ensure that you calculate very carefully how much the repayment installments are and how can you repay them. Any slight delay in payments could be taken very seriously by the lending companies.

Special classes are held by non-profit organisations and even debt management program providers. The programs are helpful when you have no money, a bankruptcy behind you, and you need to learn how to hold and manage extra cash. Money management is a useful skill, and not just in regard to money. It helps your self-discipline generally.

You will then find, when visiting your counsellor, that the love of easy money is the root cause of most of your problems.

What Do Bankrupt People Do When They Need A Loan?

When you file for bankruptcy and this motion is discharged, it means that the outstanding debts have been paid as per the bankruptcy rules. It will take two years for a person who was declared bankrupt to start with his normal life again.

It is possible to avail of a loan even before your lock-in period is over; however, it is quite hard to achieve this. One thing that could help you here is your post-bankruptcy credit report. If it is flawless, then you might have a chance to be considered for the loan. Besides, you would need to make a large deposit of 3-5% of the total loan amount.

The deposit can be met with a loan from friends and relatives; however, you would need to keep proof of every penny gathered, as the lender would need to see and accept the sources of your income. While it is acceptable to borrow for the deposit, the lender would not accept your application if your day-to-day income comes in this manner. You would need to have a job, which pays you sufficient to support yourself and repay the loan at the same time.

Another way to raise money for the deposit would be through online (and offline) grants. Run a search on the Internet and find out about this aspect. There are plenty of grants available on and off the Net, which could help you in this period of your life. The only thing is to get the right one.

The third pre-requisite that a lender would need is proof of your regular and sufficient income. Here, you will need to keep in mind that loans from relatives are not really an acceptable source of income.

If you manage to stay afloat for two years after the bankruptcy, then it will be easier for you to apply and get the loan you need. It remains for you to re-build your credit record and make the best of your future. It is also a good idea to save something out of your income every month so bankruptcy never happens to you again.

T. O' Donnell http://www.ttbankruptcy.co.uk is a licensed credit broker based in London, UK.

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