When Divorced Or Widowed Folks Pray, Is God Really The Grand Puppeteer In The Sky?

So often, we hear folks saying something to the effect of: "God is not listening to me, He never answers my prayers,""I prayed for my husband to come back and he didn't. Where is God?" "I have so many problems, there's no way God will answer me." "Why did God take my husband or ex-girlfriend revenge. We were not finished living our lives together."

Any way one may express it, they, in reality, are saying, "I pray, but I don't believe it will happen." That could be called a lack of faith, or maybe just a lack of understanding of the offer: "Ask and you shall receive."

God does not take our loved ones from us, they leave, because of illness to the body or maybe they have lived so long their bodies are worn out and need rest. Death could come because of our own failings of not taking care of this body. Sometimes mental illness causes suicide. Is that the Hand of God? Is God pulling the strings? Of course not!

In divorce, the death of a marriage is caused by one or the other, or both partners, failing in being able to stand by their vows. Since in marriage, we are considered "one" by God, both will be affected by the action of divorce. It isn't about whose fault it is, it is about a broken covenant. Both will be affected, but in different ways. And yes, it hurts. This is when we should remind ourselves that when Christ died on the cross for sins that were not his own, He hurt, also.

Sometimes God says "No," just as ones own parents have said, "No!" Who does not remember thinking about the "unfairness" of that answer from their parent?

To demonstrate, I will use an example of a parent/teen-age relationship. Let's say, I really want to go to a special dance. I pray fervently that my father will grant my most special wish. I ask him to allow me to borrow the car. I promise to drive carefully and not show off by drag racing. I will get home on time and follow all of the rules.
My father may say, "Yes," but then again, he may say, "NO!"

If he says Yes, I am happy, but if he says No, I will be extremely, disappointed, I may even be angry and say, "You don't love me!" I may even ask "Why didn't you answer my prayer, God? You said, You love me?"

In defense of the father, it is possible that he has heard about a possible rumble at the dance or is not pleased with the friends his child is traveling with. Maybe he is in need of the car on that date.

There are many reasons to say "No." God also, (like the father) is aware of reasons for a "No" answer.We do not always have privy to His all-knowing, decisions. And so we claim, "God is not listening to me." Or "God doesn't answer my prayers."

When we pray to God for any requests, there is one element that we should always remember, God is not the Grand Puppeteer in the Sky! He does not pull the strings of our lives! We have been given the gift of free will. God gave us free will to do right or wrong or even the right to not act at all.God does not step in with a big stick and menacingly shake it at us, when we act against His will or His judgment. We are responsible for our own choices. At the times that we make wrong decisions, we may wonder why God doesn't agree with us.Prayer should not be like a trip to the gas station, "Fill 'er up God!"

And as a loving Father, I am sure He is disappointed in some of our choices, just as He is proud of the good choices we make.

God is not a puppeteer. God is not deaf. He just patiently waits for us to learn our lessons. And He loves even in spite of our folly.

For more tips and tools on how to survive divorce and loss and make healthy relationship choices you are invited to visit: http://askpat.typepad.com

Patricia Hubbard has Facilitated a Support Group for Separated, Divorced and Widowed people for the past 12 years.

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